The thrill of doing something new can engage you and your partner in ways that you may have thought didn’t exist. Think about the first time you tried a new position during sex. Maybe you were on top, feeling empowered and in control. Or perhaps you were on your hands and knees, and your partner was staring at your behind instead of your face and chest. Did you like it? How did you feel? You can’t deny that something changes within you when you try something new. Once you try something new, hopefully you want to keep pushing the envelope, exploring and discovering new things about both you and your partner.
What is considered vanilla?
To most, missionary style sex would probably be the most common answer. Woman on the bottom, man on top facing each other. I’ve talked to people who have explained that vanilla also entailed various forms of sex with little or no emotional connection to their partner. Others have said sex that may or may not produce an orgasm. One thing I think we could all agree on, is that when we talk about vanilla, we may feel the need for more, or to do more, or even to be more during sex.
How do we go beyond “vanilla”?
It’s simple in theory really. Find a partner who is into what you are and go for it. Communicate and discuss what you would like to do, have fun and relax.
What should I try first?
Start with something more comfortable, and what this is will depend on how adventurous you’re feeling. Need some ideas? I’ve put together a list.
10 new things that will move you past vanilla
1.Roleplaying- Have fun with your partner by creating a world you’d like to be in. This can be as detailed or as simple as you like. The possibilities for roles are endless. Priest & nun roles, doctor & nurse, teacher & student…the sky is the limit.
2.Fagellation- From a hair brush to a custom made paddle, spanking is definitely for adults. Not sure how much you can take? Start with some light gentle taps, find your sweet spot, and have a “quit” word that has been previously agreed upon by both parties.
3.Kinky, Sexy Films- With the internet at our disposal, theres not much we don’t have access to nowadays. Cuddle up and turn on a film such as the classic Story of O, or Man with a Maid. Try not to get turned on, I dare you.
5. Blindfolding- Tease your partner while you have them blindfolded. It can be so much fun to bring them to the edge of orgasm, without them being able to see and anticipate whats coming next. Make a sexy, intimate ritual out of blindfolding them and getting them to experience different sensations. Ice cubes, feathers and leather tassels, can all be part of the fun.
6. Hot wax- This can be a sensory experience that will take you or your partner from cold to hot and pain to pleasure. Japanese drip candles are a great option. Make sure to cover your surface, and experiment with dripping wax on different areas of your partners body, and different patterns of dripping wax.
7. Nipple Clamps- There are many different styles of clamps to choose from. This is a great beginner set. Put them on and tease your partner all day if you can take it. Yes they can work under a bra while you’re at work. No, I won’t tell you how I know that.
8. Clit Clamp- Let your partner put it on you, and only they can take it off. It’s pretty, and fun. This will slightly enlarge your clit. Yes, you probably will get turned on while wearing this. Try cleaning the house, or making supper with this on.
9. Bondage- Being tied up, or tying someone up may work itself into your repitoire. Use some gentle Japanese silk rope, and have fun experimenting with different knot tying techniques. Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-by-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage this book provides step by step instructions with pictures on how to tie knots for rope bondage. Fun for the one being tied up and for the one doing the tying.
10. Fantasies- It may be safe to say that almost everyone has them. Talk to your partner about exploring your secret fantasies. Exposing yourself to someone may be a little disconcerting, but getting past that threshold opens a new door to your sex life.
Do you have other ideas? Comment below!